ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
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Literature Text
'' I can really have it? ''
I looked at my sister who smiled nervously. '' Yes, I'm moving and we won't be talking much. You better keep it as keep sake. '' Does anybody know how it was significant? It really was. I recall that most of our childhood was made of playing those kinds of games. So to not leave her in the black, I gave her a pokemon game we used to play, so I knew it would be in good hands. The day lasted and we were far away. I sight as I became the old imprisoned girl I always was. Well, not really anymore. I waited a week, hiding the game in the closet and talked to my friends on internet for some virtual comfort. I talked to them for a while and then closed the monitor to look into the closet. I got the game out, a simple Fire Red pokemon game. I gave her my super Pokemon Ruby game, my favorite of all and she gave her favorite of when we were kids.
I was bored, I know. I simply took my DS, insert the game and put the power on. It took me a few seconds. Then, I pressed the start button to skip the normal and boring intro. I looked on the save file named '' Rebecca '' and laugh. It's a old name from when we used to watch the Pokemon Deoxys movie. We were fan of Rebecca and Tori. They seemed like brother and sister and stuff… I looked it up a little to see a lvl 89 Metagross, a Pikachu lvl 85, a Suicune lvl 60, a Pidgeot lvl 87 and a Arcanine lvl 88. She had a good team, in wich I remember how many dual we made. I pressed the magical buttons (Select, start, A+B) to have a quick restart and deleted the game.
As rare as it is, I did a game as a female. I always liked the Blue character even though in American she was renamed Green. She was pretty cool in the manga even though it is said the manga destroy the game. I named her Absolute, my artist name and my first nickname and started a game. I took my little fire lizard, my favorite in all the starters and jumped into a new journey. I leaved Pallet Town very fast, headed to do the usual. I got myself a Pikachu along the way and got the Lightball. I decided to breed it as soon as I get a Ditto to have Pichu's with the ultimate skills '' Volt Tackle ''. I really did it. I caught myself quite many pokemon and got into a nice team. Charizard was my strongest one with her lvl 38 and caught a Cubone who was at lvl 16 now. I entered the famous Lavender Town, the clichéd lieu to get creepy pastas. What can happen to me now? I laugh as I remember how fascinated and scared of the ghosts I was. Everything happens as normal as it could be. No need to get panicked. I grinned as a continued my ascension into the tower and beat the Marowak blocking the path.
What changed was at Mister Fuji house. Soon after he gave me the pokeflute, he told me something I never notice before today. Maybe it's because I weren't very fluent in English since it's not my mother languages but it was odd. '' Be sure to pay a visit to the tower again. She is waiting for you. .
Must I really say it? Ok. I didn't care. I continued forward. A week later, after intense playing hours, I was stuck in the elite 4. Not that I wasn't able to beat them. I wanted to catch many pokemon before so I could train to Mewtwo's cave. Then, I thought about Hunter and Ghastly. I used fly to get there really fast and entered the place. Then, a huge cry could be heard. A sort of really slowed pokemon cries. It was so slowed down I couldn't even recognized the pokemon. I headed to the stairs and could hear the cries again. Then, my sprite stopped and turned black and white and returned to her colors. My heart skipped a beat and looked if the game card was correctly inserted. It was really well plugged in and I couldn't help but think of a bug until the music became all unajust to the beat. The lavender town beat seems to have switch… No not switch but combine with the Ruby OST Drought. I was confused and asked myself if it was normal. Then, a dialog box open, written '' ﾉ 丂ｲﾉﾚﾚ 乃乇ﾚﾉ乇Џ乇 ﾉ刀 ﾘԾЦ ''.
Then all the scares of my childhood returned to me. The creepy ghost, the subliminal messages of the game telling me to stop playing, it all came back to me. Then a automatic battle started and I couldn't believe it.
A WILD DAMIGOOSE WANTS TO BATTLE
Damigoose was my Zangoose in my Pokemon Ruby game. It was lvl 87 along with my Absol. My two favorite Pokémon ever. I dropped the DS on the bed, in front of me, jaw open.
The Zangoose was missing and eye and seemed pixelised. Like if it fought against death itself. It was on three legs, one being under a huge splatter of unknown pixels. The color kept changing grey to red to black. Her eyes were red as demonic as they could. I send out my lvl 54 Marowak and tried capturing it. I didn't know what to do. A voice into me was telling me that this Zangoose was lying in a dream, in me but the other side was telling me it wasn't.
WILD DAMIGOOSE EVADE THE POKEBALL
WILD DAMIGOOSE USES SLASH.
Useless to say it was wiped out the time to say it. All my team was washed out and when I send out my ''SARIZARD', the wild Damigoose unleashed another cries. The slow cry I heard.
WILD DAMIGOOSE USES ﾉ 丂ｲﾉﾚﾚ 乃乇ﾚﾉ乇Џ乇 ﾉ刀 ﾘԾЦ
I couldn't saw it since I couldn't read Japanese but it seemed familiar. Then, I saw the message. It was '' STILL BELIEVE YOU ''. The Zangoose from my Ruby game somehow wanted to return to me so deeply that it ko'ed my team completely and just kept Sarizard to talk to me. I was strangely moved and I threw my master ball to her. When I got it, I could have heard many pokemon screams and my screen moving. Then the text box appeared.
DAMIGOOSE KILLED ALL PARTY MEMBER EXEPT SARIZARD.
I couldn't believe it one more time. I looked into my team and saw '' DAMIGOOSE, SARIZARD, BONES'' Bones were surely the rest of my poor team who was KO'ed.
DAMIGOOSE WANT YOU TO GET LIZZYEON BACK.
I closed the game and never played again.
I looked at my sister who smiled nervously. '' Yes, I'm moving and we won't be talking much. You better keep it as keep sake. '' Does anybody know how it was significant? It really was. I recall that most of our childhood was made of playing those kinds of games. So to not leave her in the black, I gave her a pokemon game we used to play, so I knew it would be in good hands. The day lasted and we were far away. I sight as I became the old imprisoned girl I always was. Well, not really anymore. I waited a week, hiding the game in the closet and talked to my friends on internet for some virtual comfort. I talked to them for a while and then closed the monitor to look into the closet. I got the game out, a simple Fire Red pokemon game. I gave her my super Pokemon Ruby game, my favorite of all and she gave her favorite of when we were kids.
I was bored, I know. I simply took my DS, insert the game and put the power on. It took me a few seconds. Then, I pressed the start button to skip the normal and boring intro. I looked on the save file named '' Rebecca '' and laugh. It's a old name from when we used to watch the Pokemon Deoxys movie. We were fan of Rebecca and Tori. They seemed like brother and sister and stuff… I looked it up a little to see a lvl 89 Metagross, a Pikachu lvl 85, a Suicune lvl 60, a Pidgeot lvl 87 and a Arcanine lvl 88. She had a good team, in wich I remember how many dual we made. I pressed the magical buttons (Select, start, A+B) to have a quick restart and deleted the game.
As rare as it is, I did a game as a female. I always liked the Blue character even though in American she was renamed Green. She was pretty cool in the manga even though it is said the manga destroy the game. I named her Absolute, my artist name and my first nickname and started a game. I took my little fire lizard, my favorite in all the starters and jumped into a new journey. I leaved Pallet Town very fast, headed to do the usual. I got myself a Pikachu along the way and got the Lightball. I decided to breed it as soon as I get a Ditto to have Pichu's with the ultimate skills '' Volt Tackle ''. I really did it. I caught myself quite many pokemon and got into a nice team. Charizard was my strongest one with her lvl 38 and caught a Cubone who was at lvl 16 now. I entered the famous Lavender Town, the clichéd lieu to get creepy pastas. What can happen to me now? I laugh as I remember how fascinated and scared of the ghosts I was. Everything happens as normal as it could be. No need to get panicked. I grinned as a continued my ascension into the tower and beat the Marowak blocking the path.
What changed was at Mister Fuji house. Soon after he gave me the pokeflute, he told me something I never notice before today. Maybe it's because I weren't very fluent in English since it's not my mother languages but it was odd. '' Be sure to pay a visit to the tower again. She is waiting for you. .
Must I really say it? Ok. I didn't care. I continued forward. A week later, after intense playing hours, I was stuck in the elite 4. Not that I wasn't able to beat them. I wanted to catch many pokemon before so I could train to Mewtwo's cave. Then, I thought about Hunter and Ghastly. I used fly to get there really fast and entered the place. Then, a huge cry could be heard. A sort of really slowed pokemon cries. It was so slowed down I couldn't even recognized the pokemon. I headed to the stairs and could hear the cries again. Then, my sprite stopped and turned black and white and returned to her colors. My heart skipped a beat and looked if the game card was correctly inserted. It was really well plugged in and I couldn't help but think of a bug until the music became all unajust to the beat. The lavender town beat seems to have switch… No not switch but combine with the Ruby OST Drought. I was confused and asked myself if it was normal. Then, a dialog box open, written '' ﾉ 丂ｲﾉﾚﾚ 乃乇ﾚﾉ乇Џ乇 ﾉ刀 ﾘԾЦ ''.
Then all the scares of my childhood returned to me. The creepy ghost, the subliminal messages of the game telling me to stop playing, it all came back to me. Then a automatic battle started and I couldn't believe it.
A WILD DAMIGOOSE WANTS TO BATTLE
Damigoose was my Zangoose in my Pokemon Ruby game. It was lvl 87 along with my Absol. My two favorite Pokémon ever. I dropped the DS on the bed, in front of me, jaw open.
The Zangoose was missing and eye and seemed pixelised. Like if it fought against death itself. It was on three legs, one being under a huge splatter of unknown pixels. The color kept changing grey to red to black. Her eyes were red as demonic as they could. I send out my lvl 54 Marowak and tried capturing it. I didn't know what to do. A voice into me was telling me that this Zangoose was lying in a dream, in me but the other side was telling me it wasn't.
WILD DAMIGOOSE EVADE THE POKEBALL
WILD DAMIGOOSE USES SLASH.
Useless to say it was wiped out the time to say it. All my team was washed out and when I send out my ''SARIZARD', the wild Damigoose unleashed another cries. The slow cry I heard.
WILD DAMIGOOSE USES ﾉ 丂ｲﾉﾚﾚ 乃乇ﾚﾉ乇Џ乇 ﾉ刀 ﾘԾЦ
I couldn't saw it since I couldn't read Japanese but it seemed familiar. Then, I saw the message. It was '' STILL BELIEVE YOU ''. The Zangoose from my Ruby game somehow wanted to return to me so deeply that it ko'ed my team completely and just kept Sarizard to talk to me. I was strangely moved and I threw my master ball to her. When I got it, I could have heard many pokemon screams and my screen moving. Then the text box appeared.
DAMIGOOSE KILLED ALL PARTY MEMBER EXEPT SARIZARD.
I couldn't believe it one more time. I looked into my team and saw '' DAMIGOOSE, SARIZARD, BONES'' Bones were surely the rest of my poor team who was KO'ed.
DAMIGOOSE WANT YOU TO GET LIZZYEON BACK.
I closed the game and never played again.
The picture is a Collab trio picture.
Damigoose- Sarizard- Absolute
These are the Lavender Town trio. Lizzyeon is the fourth one but her tablet and iscribble didn't work. :c
Damigoose (c)
Sarizard (c)
Absolute (c)
I don't own Pokemon.
PLEASE, KEEP IN MIND:
1) I AM NOT A CREEPYPASTA PRO
2) I AM NOT TALKING ENGLISH, I'M FRENCH.
Damigoose- Sarizard- Absolute
These are the Lavender Town trio. Lizzyeon is the fourth one but her tablet and iscribble didn't work. :c
Damigoose (c)
Sarizard (c)
Absolute (c)
I don't own Pokemon.
PLEASE, KEEP IN MIND:
1) I AM NOT A CREEPYPASTA PRO
2) I AM NOT TALKING ENGLISH, I'M FRENCH.
© 2011 - 2024 Absolute-Loki
Comments22
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Okay, so, here's my critique. I'm actually terribly flattered that you'd ask for another critique, so I'll try to make this one as useful as I can, without sounding too mean. I apologize in advance if it comes off scathing.
First, I'll talk about grammar. For the most part, the grammar is okay. It's readable, and understandable, though not completely correct. However, in a couple of parts, I got somewhat confused as to what was going on. For instance, in the first paragraph, it was a bit hard to understand what you meant by "The day lasted and we were far away." Did you spend the day together and then parted ways? Did the day just drag on forever because you were apart for the first time in a long while? Just a bit confusing.
Likewise, in the second paragraph, you talk about "putting the game in your DS," and then you mention the pokemon, but then you go back and talk about restarting the game and picking Charmander in Pallet Town. It took me a little while to figure out you were playing Leafgreen/Firered.
Other than just spelling and odd sentence construction, the grammar was pretty good. Very impressive for a non-fluent English speaker. So, I move to plot.
Now, I'm not sure if you were going for a parody pasta or an actual one, so in that I'm a bit confused. I'm going to assume you were meaning for an actually creepy creepypasta.
The plot is a bit cliche. I mean, a bloody, rotting pokemon that you had in another game wipes out your party? Some might say tried and true, but it does kind of bore a regular creepypasta reader. I would suggest a few changes.
For one, try to make it a bit longer. Again, I realize that it's not your native language, but the longer stories can help draw out the tension. Likewise, adding a bit of depth to the pokemon could also help. This is one of the intrinsic difficulties of working in the 'Urban Legend' creepypasta style; you can't actually have much character development. Still, describing some very difficult battles that you encountered with your team could go a long way.
However, the best way to make the creepypasta unique and interesting is to add an element of confusion, or to switch things up a bit. For instance, to make this plot more useful, I would have the encounter in Lavender Town. But, instead of Damigoose killing your whole party, have it beat some of them up, then run away. You can talk about being freaked out, but continuing. Let Damigoose stalk your party from then on, appearing randomly and beating up your team. Then, after a few of those fights, you manage to catch Damigoose. It surprises you, but Damigoose seems happy.
But, you notice some issues. As you fight with Damigoose, dialog between other character's changes. Some people just stop talking to you. You friendship with all of your other pokemon goes down to almost nothing. Finally, you go back to playing it one day and one of your pokemon is missing. You figure that you must have just forgotten to save, but the next time you pick up the game another of your pokemon is gone. Eventually, you start the game up only to find that you have no pokemon left in your party; they're all gone. And, when you take some pokemon out of the box and start fighting with them, Damigoose bursts into the battle, kills your other pokemon, and takes over. You find that you can't escape her.
From there, you could figure out an ending , or just leave it at that. It adds a bit of suspense, and it switches up the more traditional urban pasta theme.
In all, it was entertaining. I look forward to your next pasta!
First, I'll talk about grammar. For the most part, the grammar is okay. It's readable, and understandable, though not completely correct. However, in a couple of parts, I got somewhat confused as to what was going on. For instance, in the first paragraph, it was a bit hard to understand what you meant by "The day lasted and we were far away." Did you spend the day together and then parted ways? Did the day just drag on forever because you were apart for the first time in a long while? Just a bit confusing.
Likewise, in the second paragraph, you talk about "putting the game in your DS," and then you mention the pokemon, but then you go back and talk about restarting the game and picking Charmander in Pallet Town. It took me a little while to figure out you were playing Leafgreen/Firered.
Other than just spelling and odd sentence construction, the grammar was pretty good. Very impressive for a non-fluent English speaker. So, I move to plot.
Now, I'm not sure if you were going for a parody pasta or an actual one, so in that I'm a bit confused. I'm going to assume you were meaning for an actually creepy creepypasta.
The plot is a bit cliche. I mean, a bloody, rotting pokemon that you had in another game wipes out your party? Some might say tried and true, but it does kind of bore a regular creepypasta reader. I would suggest a few changes.
For one, try to make it a bit longer. Again, I realize that it's not your native language, but the longer stories can help draw out the tension. Likewise, adding a bit of depth to the pokemon could also help. This is one of the intrinsic difficulties of working in the 'Urban Legend' creepypasta style; you can't actually have much character development. Still, describing some very difficult battles that you encountered with your team could go a long way.
However, the best way to make the creepypasta unique and interesting is to add an element of confusion, or to switch things up a bit. For instance, to make this plot more useful, I would have the encounter in Lavender Town. But, instead of Damigoose killing your whole party, have it beat some of them up, then run away. You can talk about being freaked out, but continuing. Let Damigoose stalk your party from then on, appearing randomly and beating up your team. Then, after a few of those fights, you manage to catch Damigoose. It surprises you, but Damigoose seems happy.
But, you notice some issues. As you fight with Damigoose, dialog between other character's changes. Some people just stop talking to you. You friendship with all of your other pokemon goes down to almost nothing. Finally, you go back to playing it one day and one of your pokemon is missing. You figure that you must have just forgotten to save, but the next time you pick up the game another of your pokemon is gone. Eventually, you start the game up only to find that you have no pokemon left in your party; they're all gone. And, when you take some pokemon out of the box and start fighting with them, Damigoose bursts into the battle, kills your other pokemon, and takes over. You find that you can't escape her.
From there, you could figure out an ending , or just leave it at that. It adds a bit of suspense, and it switches up the more traditional urban pasta theme.
In all, it was entertaining. I look forward to your next pasta!